ammama (eulogy)

I write this in grief , in loneliness , in frustration , in regret , in tears , today the 16th of april , parvati amma left for her heavenly abode. She was my most favorite person on this planet , my guide , the sweetest person I know , my grandmother. My earliest memories of childhood always have me playing in her house , in her kitchen , breaking her furniture with our (me and my cousins) mischief. I still remember how many times I must have troubled her by playing cricket inside her house in erode or messing with the water or throwing stuff down the well behind the house. Those summer vacations in erode have been the best times in my childhood.How many times she has saved me from a sure beating from my granddad or my mother. She has always been very fond of sweets, one of the few people in my entire family having a sweet tooth like me. I cannot believe she will no longer be there to advice me , she will no longer be there to tell me not to bite my nails , or ask me to take a shower , or ask me to come to eat. She is no longer there to watch and discuss those tamil serials , or enjoy the odd malayalam movies. I will miss her for that cute smile , that showered a lot of joy in my life, the malayalam and tamil proverbs and quotes she keeps saying , whose meanings I never understand , and she patiently explain. I grew up with her always beeing there for me. Always supportive of anything I wished to pursue. She supported me when I wanted to do engineering and my mother wanted me to do bio and then medicine. How she managed to raise 6 kids , is still beyond me. She had immense strength , exceptional patience and a heart of gold. I really don't think I will ever meet a person who is so sweet and patient like her. I can't remember a time when I was angry at her, ever. That speaks volumes of the kind of person she was. I am beeing selfish , i am beeing stupid , but I need her to be around , I need her to see me step into a critical phase of my life, and her absence is like an abyss in my life, I know I will move on and life must go on without her , but I know that this abyss will not be filled , not for a long time. She was important to me , very important, not only because I spent a lot of my childhood with her , but because she was like one of the people I wanted to do something for when I was capable enough. I wanted to buy her something from my first salary , wanted her to see that I have done well and make her proud. I have lost that opportunity and there is nothing anyone can say or do to fix it. Its an unfinished promise to myself which I cannot finish anymore.Ammama I love you , and I will miss you , I want you to know (where ever you are) I will always remember you ! May your soul rest in peace ....

your grandson

gokul